I mean, why should I be sad? Disappearing into the sunshine of the sunrise on one of the longest days in the year does not sound daunting at all. But it still doesn't seem right, it never does. There is something unnatural in leaving a place you call your home. Why should you leave behind something that makes you glad that you are alive? But then I realize that I don't actually know what makes me glad that I am alive. Is it the people or the world around me? Lately I've been doubting people more and more. I don't want my happiness to depend on someone who is capable of leaving me behind if I become insignificant. People and places matter, sometimes much more than we want them to. Consequently it's not unusual that I'm not exactly satisfied with either of these wherever I am. 

The issue about people and places raises too many questions. Immediately I start thinking about the meaning of life; about why I am where I am; about what the future will bring. And, of course, about why I tend to push people away. It seems too complicated to understand thing like the meaning of life but analyzing your inner self is too confusing. 

It probably is a bad habit but to distract myself I tend to turn to the beauty of the world. I adore looking up and seeing the sky, looking beyond the horizon and how the sea merges with the sky. I need more realism in my life but, at times, you need the comfort of ignorance.