Last minute Econ panic

P.S. Reading Michael Ondaatje's "The English Patient" would be useful to gain a full understand of this.

Talk about unbreakable hearts

At first this was about a guy, now it is about my whole life. I have been shattered into small pieces and soon there will be no one to piece them back together, to piece me back together. Suddenly I realize the utter immensity of what will happen far too soon. I know that life is transient, that people come and go, however, I cannot accept either of these. At the moment I cannot let go of them because they are essential fo my  day-to-day existence. That's the problem with getting used to your life and to the people that surround you; sooner or later they will leave you, they always do. What terrifies me is that so many of them want to walk out of the door at the same time, leaving me weeping and heartbroken on the floor, like broken glass which was never meant to last. What upsets me the most is that despite how I feel inside, I have to put on a bright and happy facade because of the expectations. Maybe people were right, maybe I didn't need to be given the job. After all, how am I going to cope with it when all of those who have supported me will now leave me? What was the point of it? I don't want to be doing it for no one, I want to be doing it for the people that believe in me. 

I am emotionally broken to an extent that I don't want to imagine myself on the last day of the school year. What is worse is that the timing is completely wrong. I have exams in under a week, I don't have time to sort out the emotional mess I've been turned into.