"Be strong, it gets harder." 

What seems to be the only truth in life. 

Life isn't always bad

"I wanna celebrate and live my life, saying ayo! Baby, let's go!"

I haven't felt as happy as I feel at the moment in a long while and it's great. I'm almost 18 and this makes it even more special. I want to fall asleep and wake up in a good mood but before I drift off to sleep I wanted to write it down. I want to remember that I am happy now and that nothing can stop me from feeling it.

P.S. This photo marks my third Gambia fundraising evening (and that is also kind of special). 

Insomniacal me

There are a lot of things going through my mind at the moment and they have been for weeks really. My life has been hectic and busy with very few minutes to spare. I don't sleep much but I don't feel like I need any more sleep. Strangely enough, I am more awake at the moment at 12.45am rather than when I am sitting in my first class at 9am. Some people call me insane; they don't understand why I am up till this late at night almost every night. But at the same time, they don't understand my life. To be honest, I don't understand it myself. Even my thoughts are a mystery to me. I can think but I cannot comprehend what I am thinking. I cannot grasp why I am feeling certain things whilst being absolutely numb to the others. Why am I so sensitive to certain issues whilst other ones do not bother me at all?

I seriously need to sit down and reflect upon things. It is vital that I understand myself instead of pretending to myself. It is hard to lie to yourself actually. No amount of comfort achieved through intentionally misleading myself will ever make up for the disappointment that it can cause. I need to keep this in mind too.

You are probably thinking: what is she on about? Why is she even writing any of this here? I guess I just need an outlet for my thoughts. I am aware that this is no longer the vaguely interesting blog that this used to be but a merely a collection of disconnected pieces of a puzzle which form my life. I am sorry but I don't think that this blog will ever be the same again. It no longer bothers me that it is full of my day-to-day problems and whining. However, the initial idea behind this blog is constantly at the back of my mind I just choose not to come and cry here about it.